“Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.” Thus spake Albert Einstein, a man who knew a thing or two about big spaces and long stretches of time. Given a few more years, he might have made the same observation about Intel’s x86 processor family and its infinite attraction to programmers.

If I may indulge in another quotation, it’s been said that there are two kinds of programmers: those who admit they hate the x86, and liars. Nobody really likes programming x86-family processors, at least nobody I’ve ever met who’d worked with any other chip family.

If there were a god of microprocessor design, She would have smitten Intel long ago for creating such an abomination. The entire family tree comes from a bad seed, bearing the taint of the original 8086 and its spawn. Strong men weep, children faint, and wolves chew their own legs off rather than program x86 chips in assembly language. The sight of too much x86 code has been known to drive men mad. Its importation is limited in some countries. Humanitarian efforts bring aid to countless victims. International talks proceed quietly behind the scenes to ban its use and manufacture. Yet stockpiles exist to this day. Stop the madness!